Jeremie Barber

How To Set Healthy Goals

December 11, 2012 — Leave a comment

It’s hard to believe but we are at that time of year again. Yes, it’s time to review our goals from this year, and set new goals for 2013.

What, you don’t set goals? Well now is the perfect time to start!

Here are some tips I have found to be most helpful:

Write Down Your Goals:

It seems so simple, but many of us don’t do it. For many years I didn’t write my goals down either. I thought it was too much trouble. However, I’ve got to admit that I have met and even exceeded many more goals since I began to commit them to paper or now digital file :). It holds true that what gets measured gets done, so let me encourage you to start writing down your goals this year.

Aim High:

If you’re like me when you look at your goals from this year you’ll find that you didn’t reach them all, and that’s okay. I think that one of the main reasons why people don’t set goals is because they fear that they won’t be able to attain or reach them once they have committed to them. Here’s the thing though, if we reach all of our goals, it just means that we didn’t set the bar high enough. When I review my goals from 2012 I will celebrate the ones that I have reached and then I will look at the ones that I haven’t reached to determine why they fell short.

Ask Why:

When I come across those goals that didn’t get reached from this year I will ask myself a few questions. These questions will help me determine if the goals still make the cut to be included in the 2013 list. Here are some of the questions:

Did the goal not get reached because it wasn’t a goal I really wanted to attain?
Was it a goal that required other actions to happen before it could be reached?
What was the barrier that kept me from reaching the goal and what do I need to do to get over the hurtle?

Consider Your Purpose:

When setting your goals for 2013, do your best to surround your goals around your life purpose. Ask yourself how the goals you’re setting will impact and further your life. It may help to ask yourself if the goal lines up with where you are going in life, and if the new goal will help you along the journey. Consequently, goals that are set with your life purpose in mind will help you steer clear of projects throughout the year that take you off course from your original goal oriented intentions.

Consider Your Why:

Behind every goal is a “Why”. This is the reason behind the goal. Too often during the year we lose focus on our goals. Having the “why” written beside the goal will help you during those times when you need to remember why you decided to pursue the goal in the first place.

Set Directional Goals:

Many times we set goals based on destination rather than direction. I call these goals “Destination Goals” because they are all about the destination instead of the journey. Destination goals typically have to do with what we do, and what we have. They read like this:

Buy a new BMW 328i by June 15th.

These are the kind of goals that require balance as they have to do with the physical world. They have to do with “stuff” and “position”. An over emphasis on these kinds of goals often require us to be unbalanced in order for them to be attained.

This year let me encourage you to set more Directional Goals. These goals have an emphasis on who we are rather than what we do. These goals have to do more with increasing our health, relationships, growth and contribution, and they may read like this:

Read at least one book every month and tell a friend about what I liked about the book.

Set Measurable Goals:

Again, what gets measured gets done. So stay clear of goals that can’t be measured. Your goals should be actionable within a certain time frame.

So here it is in a nutshell:

Write your goals down
Set your goals around your life purpose
Write down the “Why” behind the goal
Focus on Directional Goals
Create goals that are measurable

I’m excited for you as you plan the upcoming year. I know that these tips will help you get well on your way to a prosperous new year. Who knows, it may even lead you to places you would have never imagined. After all, this is the same kind of goal setting that led Neil Armstrong to the moon.

The 1: The one thing to take with you today from this post is the following: Nothing happens without commitment. Intentional living is nothing but a fairy-tale when we give up on our dreams, goals and plans.

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Which is better to enable or to empower?

December 3, 2012 — Leave a comment

Last night we decided as a family to watch a movie but first my daughter Emily had to take a bath and clean up her toys. While she was in her bath I glanced at the time and realized that there was not enough time to watch the movie if we had to wait for her to clean up her toys. The next thing I knew I found myself cleaning up the living room for her.

Was this helping?

While I was cleaning up I began to ask myself what I was doing. Were my efforts good because they were benefiting the family (did the end justify the means) or were they potentially harming my little girl. Then I realized that unfortunately, this wasn’t helping her at all. It turns out that there are two kinds of helping. The first kind of helping is good, the second is…not so good.

In this case I was enabling. Enabling is when you do something for someone else in an effort to “help them”. Giving this kind of help is really no help at all. Doing something for someone else when they are perfectly capable of doing it themselves leads to dependency on the help or even worse the person that is giving the help. Typically this dependency leads to entitlement and entitlement never ends well. Entitlement ensues when we begin to feel as though we deserve something that someone is giving us on a regular basis and we act on what we “deserve”. If I continued to “help” Emily in this way she would never learn the lessons of caring for possessions and would inevitably begin to feel that she deserved to have her messed cleaned up for her.

So what would’ve been a better choice for me to do in this scenario? What I should have done was empower her. What I should have done was give her the opportunity, time, and tools she would have needed to be able to succeed in her task. Taking the time to show her once again how to properly put her toys away would empower her to be a better person in this area for the rest of her life.

Yes it’s true that this means that we would’ve missed out on the movie but the best things in life are never free and often take work.

I suppose this principle is most easily seen through the lens of dealing with our children. However, I have found this understanding of the difference between enabling and empowering to be most useful in making decisions in my adult life too. Whether you’re a mom, or a business owner, or a manager, or a soccer coach, it’s important to always consider whether or not we are enabling or empowering those that we influence.

Who do you need to empower today?

The 1: The one thing to think about today is how your helping those around you. Ask yourself, “Am I enabling this person?” and if so, “What do I need to do to change this?”.

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Help me, I’m a consumer!

November 10, 2012 — 2 Comments

Have you ever been reading and out of the blue you come across content that is so life changing that you have to put it down and just ponder it? Yeah, me too. In fact, it happened just recently.

I was reading an article and what seemed to be out of nowhere the author made the following statement regarding her children:

“Instead of modeling a life of adventure, passion and purpose, I was teaching them to accumulate a lot of stuff and do whatever they could to stay comfortable.”

Wow, the truth in that statement hit me like a ton of bricks. Not only because it’s true in general but because it’s true for me.

Like most of us, I was taught to live a lifestyle that focuses on accumulation and comfort. And worse yet, I realized that this is what we model for our children. Now, I know that we don’t speak this to our children directly, but I also know that children learn by what we model much more effectively then by what we speak. So I started to ask myself “What am I modeling for my kids”?

As I further pondered accumulation and adventure I realized that we all fit into one of two categories in life. We are either a contributor (adventure, passion and purpose) or a consumer (accumulation). Or better stated, at the end of our life will others remember us as being a contributor to what we were passionate about or will we be remembered for being a consumer who was consumed by their own comfort.

It was then that I concluded that a contributor was a person who focused on life being an adventure; a person who was passionate about life and their purpose. While a consumer was a person focused on the accumulation of stuff and on being comfortable.

So my next thought was a question to myself: Are my kids Contributors or Consumers? and then, am I a Contributor or Consumer?

Heavy questions, I know. Yet, the response to those questions could be life changing.

Placed into this context it’s not hard to decide which one you want to be, not to mention which one you want your children to be.

So, at this point your freaking out because you know you are a consumer, but you don’t want to be. If your like me your asking yourself “how do I flip from being a consumer to a contributor?”

It starts with direction which relates to our spirit and who we are (see The Spirit Runs). If you find that you are a consumer and want to be a contributor you first need to check your spirit. I’m not referring you to your local spiritualist here, just find a quiet space and honestly ask yourself about the direction your spirit is going in. Are you on a path which is consumed by self and stuff or are you on a path of purpose, passion and adventure. If your not happy with your honest answer then it’s time to humbly commit to a change of course.

Now, I’m not going to be flippant and say that a change of course in who you are is something you decide once and move on. It’s more of an ongoing decision. With every choice we make we have to stop and consider our course and then fight the temptation to head towards “Self-land”.

I love how Romans 2:12 puts it:

“Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.”

I believe that God’s will for you and I is a life of adventure, passion and purpose, and I believe that He blesses those efforts. I am just learning that the most fulfilled I have ever felt is when my spirit is running towards God – when who I am is a contributor instead of a consumer – when I live a life of adventure, passion and purpose.

The 1: The one thing to remember today is that the key to being a contributor is choosing the path of adventure, passion and purpose with each decision we make. Even in the little things. For most of us it’s in the baby steps!

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The Body Balances

November 2, 2012 — Leave a comment

Movement Three | The Body Balances

Balance is a bit of a buzz word lately, but why? Why do we seem to place everything in the balance “bucket”? I often asked myself these questions, and what I discovered was astonishing. I found that not everything in life belongs in the balance category.

Here’s why.

Over the last two weeks we have discovered how the spirit runs and the soul stands. We found that our intentions are always running in the direction of either good or evil in our spirit. We also found that as our spirit runs our soul makes a stand on relationships, growth and contribution among others. Now we can bring it all together and discover why balance is not where our focus should be.

As I type this I hear the keys being pressed. I see the letters appearing on the screen. I feel the raised lines on the F and J keys that guide my fingers. It’s real, it’s physical, it’s happening right now. Yet, I instinctively know that while this is happening I am foregoing taking care of the twelve items waiting for me in my in-box. I am balancing my time to maximize what I can accomplish.

This is the crux of this world. We live in constant tension. We all have twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week regardless of our social/economic status, and we are all constantly making decisions that create new tensions that are always begging for balance.

Here’s the key: Who we are is not what we do.

You see, we live in a society that is overwhelmed with materialism. That is, we live in a world that is largely focused on stuff, and we know that stuff creates tension because stuff requires balance. So we are overwhelmed with tension. We have been marketed to everyday of our lives into believing that who we are IS what we do. And even though we say we know that it’s not true – we live it every day. On certain levels, if we are honest, we all believe that we are the house that we live in. We are the car that we drive. We are the job that we currently hold. We are the clothes that we wear. We are the shapes of our bodies. The list goes on and on, and each time creating more and more tension. I’ve learned through all of this that the more we focus on what requires balance the more tension we create and the more miserable we are.

We need a shift in our thinking.

This is why I am on a mission to share this message. We (self included) need desperately to shift our focus. We have been taught to put the cart before the horse and it’s ruining our lives. We focus on what we do and what we have and believe that our soul and spirit will be at peace depending on how well we are living in the tension. This is toxic and simply not true.

Here’s the solution:

Most of us have it backwards. We are living in such a way that our Spirit is responding to our Soul which in turn is responding to our Body. This is a losing scenario by which we are constantly out of balance and miserable. The Spirit will never be subject to Body. The eternal will never be subject to what is temporary, no matter how hard we fight the tension.

To correct this we have to flip the equation we have been using over on its head. Rather than focusing on the physical; that is, focusing on things like money, time, food, exercise, comfort, stuff, sex, and so on. We need to first focus on Who We Are. And we’ve learned that Who We Are is found in our spirit and our soul. We need to focus on our spirit first. That means being cognoscente of whether or not our spirit is running towards good or evil. Secondly focused on where our soul is making a stand based on the direction of our spirit. And lastly, focused on what requires balance.

I thought we should give this shift in thinking a name, so I call it “Standing Solid”. We know we are Standing Solid when the Body responds to the Soul which is responding to the Spirit. When we focus on Who We Are we find that making decisions and living a balanced life becomes much easier. I have found that this approach puts life back into its proper perspective and flows as it was designed to by our loving Creator.

I am so excited about this message and am compelled to share it with the world; hence this blog, and hence the whole idea behind “Standing Solid”. Every post I write has this shift in mindset stringing through it. I’m on a mission to help us all find peace. I hope to do so partially through these posts as we take specific aspects of life and explore them through this shift in decision making. I hope you take this journey with me. We have much yet to discover.

The 1: The one thing to remember today is that the physical world lives in constant tension. Everything in the physical requires balance and should not be where our primary focus is. Who We Are comes first and will determine What We Do and have – not the other way around.

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In Life | Simple, Start Here, The Body Balances balance, intentional living, living simple, simple life, standing solid, what we do, who we are

The Soul Stands

October 24, 2012 — Leave a comment

Movement Two | Stand

Who are we? What makes “Me”, Me? I hope this post brings you closer to answering those questions.

This is all meat and potatoes, so let’s dig right in…

We are made up of two categories:

1. Who We Are
2. What We Do

Now, within “Who We Are” there are two parts – the Spirit and the Soul. Last week we explored how our spirit runs. That is, our spirit is always running in one of two directions – either running towards good or evil – or as we call it “Foundation” or “Anti-Foundation”.

This week we explore the second part of what makes up who we are – our soul.

While the spirit gives us direction in everything we do – either towards good or evil – the soul is where the rubber meets the road sort of speak. The soul takes the direction our spirit is leading us in and makes a stand. While the spirit is guiding us in the right direction the soul tells us where we are. The spirit is the compass showing us true north while the soul is the GPS telling us where we are. The spirit tells us which way to go while the soul tells us where we are on the journey.

The spirit tells us what we should do in a given circumstance while the soul makes the determination of whether or not we are going to do it.

So while the spirit determines our direction the soul determines our purpose. The soul is that place inside of us that determines what we will set out to do. Our motivations, purposes, dreams and goals are all “stands” that we make in our soul.

Our Souls Journey

The soul responds to the spirit. It knows the direction the spirit is going in and it also knows where it is on the journey. It takes this information and determines the purpose and motivation behind what we do. This is why our spiritual journey is so important. Our soul decides what to do based on the direction the spirit is leading in. If you are lost in your spirit, your soul will determine its purpose and motivation based on the fact that the spirit is lost. If you are headed in the right direction in your spirit, your soul will determine its purpose and motivation based on the fact that the soul is on track. Going back to the terms that Jesus used, If the spirit is “gathering” then the soul is at peace. If the spirit is “scattering” then the soul is in turmoil.

The Soul Is Forever

It is important that when we speak of the soul that we don’t give it incorrect attributes. We must not think of the spirit or soul (who we are) in the sense of what is temporal. The soul is forever. This is important because the soul determines where we stand regarding what lasts forever – what is eternal. The soul is where we determine what to do regarding relationships, growth and contribution. Anything that is intangible is decided upon and then acted upon by our soul. Everything else – that which we can hold in our hands, is acted upon by the body which has its own principles. We’ll go into detail about “what we do” next week in Movement Three | Balance.

Body, Soul and Spirit

The process of life starts in the spirit and ends in the body. So, what happens in the spirit will manifest itself in the soul and what happens in the soul will manifest itself in the body. You can also look at it from the other way around: The body responds to the soul and the soul responds to the spirit.

So now we know that our spirit is running towards either good or evil while our soul is making its stand based on where the spirit is on its journey. Next week we explore the third and final movement: balance.

The 1: The one thing to remember today is that the soul determines where we stand regarding what is eternal. Where we are on our journey regarding our relationships, growth and contribution is determined by our soul. The Soul Stands.

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How To Set Healthy Goals

Which is better to enable or to empower?

Help me, I’m a consumer!